walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
