I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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