Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
