She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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