I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
