I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize