she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
