please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
