I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
