Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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