So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
