ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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