final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
