Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
