Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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