All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
