So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
