I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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