I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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