Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
