I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
