i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
