Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
