Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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