Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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