It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
