In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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