well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
