May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's the barista slut.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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