so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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