I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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