I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
