So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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