Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I CAN MOONWALK!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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