Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
