then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
