dude i'm inner monologue high
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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