Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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