Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
