My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
