I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
