I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
