i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
