Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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