Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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