mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
