I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the raccoons are back...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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