Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
