He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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