so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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