oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
