I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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