another moral hangover. fuck.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
