I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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