I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
