Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
