There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
