She's JV to your varsity
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize