He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Boobs speak an international language.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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