saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
