i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
