It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
