shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
