Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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