so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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