Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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