are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
