I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
