On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
