I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
