Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
