everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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